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The Deadliest son of a bitch in space

Posted on 05 May 2021 @ 11:00pm by Chief Petty Officer Brianna Traynor

Mission: A Miner Problem
Location: Armory Bay
Timeline: Mission Day 3 at 0800

Now was the time to deal with this mess. Brianna headed into the armory where the offending two crewmen were waiting. She had not been exactly looking forward to this, being the iron bitch disciplinarian, was not her favorite thing but as she went up the ranks she realized she had to take leadership, so she took a breath and walked in.

Both men stared at her as she walked over to them and looked at the two of them, Crewman Perkins, had a brain in his head, she just never used it, it was too bad if she used her brain she’d get her rating and possibly even a team lead, but she made dumb decisions. This one was probably with Crewman Hastur, who was pretty much the brains of the outfit, or so he thought. Also was Crewman Simms, who was the third in this crew of geniuses.

“Crewman Perkins, What is Newton’s first law of motion?”

“Chief, an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion unless acted on by an outside force.”

“Correct.” She walked down the group, “And Crewman Hastur, what is the payload of a photonic torpedo.”

“Chief, the payload of a photonic torpedo is a matter/antimatter reaction which has an adjustable yield.”

She paused, then continued, “A Photonic torpedo has a variable yield and rockets, which Mr. Simms can be considered an…..” She looked at the third member of this brain trust.

“An outside force Chief.”

“Correct.” She continued, “So then a variable yield weapon that contains matter and antimatter and can, depending on how the yield is set, put a 3-kilometer wide crater in either a moon or a city. Now the torpedo in question will unless something stops it keep going, so that means that Sir Issac Newton, is the deadliest son of a bitch in space Is that clear?”

“Yes, Chief.”

“So, when we let one of these photons off the chain, we will have a firing solution, Ms. Perkins.”

“Yes, chief.”

“We will have a maximum distance programmed in Mr Hastur.”

“Yes, chief.”

“And Mr. Simms, we will absolutely positively 100 percent not fucking eyeball the firing of a torpedo is that clear as glass?”

“Yes Chief”

She turned, “Good. Now, today, you will clean this armory bay by hand, then you will write me a 1500 word explanation of proper photonic torpedo launch procedures and why they exist, and if you ever, even think of pulling another stunt like this, the closest you will get to photon torpedoes will be looking at them through glass. Dismissed.”

She looked at the three crew members, “Did I stutter, dismissed. Anyone still here in 5 seconds I will assume just volunteered to be Smoked till I could serve you Jerky!” She paused, “5….4…..3…” She never hit 2 as the crew members ran off.


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